CINTA

Maybe it's a bit too late for me to mention the above box-office Malay movie. But i feel this compelling desire to talk about it. Im not here to provide a review of it for everyone acknowledges its quality n success. Im here to provide a different point of view, from a different angle.

Fokus movie ini adalah tentang kasih sayang/cinta antara manusia yg hidup di kota metropolitan. Be it between two siblings, two youngsters, two elders, a husband n wife watever. Kita dibawa bersama utk menghayati perasaan cinta mereka. Kita menangis apabila isteri meninggalkan suaminya, kita geram apabila si jejaka tidak mengakui cinta nya pd si gadis, kita terharu apabila makcik laksa jatuh sayang pd seorg pakcik 'alzheimer'. Suma itu kita rs dan kita tangisi. Dan saya tabik penulis cerita n pengarah kerana telah berjaya membawa penonton bersama belayar di dalam kapal CINTA mereka.

Tapi saya rasakan satu kekurangan. satu kecacatan yg BESAR dalam cerita indah bertajuk CINTA ini. Walaupun ia berjaya menyedarkan kita betapa pahit dan manis nya cinta yg wujud sesama manusia, ia tidak menggambarkan satu cinta yg pasti. Cinta yg paling agung dan paling kekal. CINTA PADA YG MAHA ESA.

Yes, there was a glimpse of the love for Allah Almighty in the scene where the sister was buried in the muslim cemetry. But shud dat be it? Shud we only think about THE ONE when there is death? Dalam movie tersebut, kita diajak bersama utk menyanjungi kekasih, mengasihi manusia secara amnya. Tapi tidak pula kita diajar utk menyanjungi Yang Maha Esa. Barangkali ini bukan objectif utama sang pengarah mahupun penulis skrip.

Namun, apa yg saya (BARU SAJA SEDAR) kesali, adalah betapa tepatnya movie ini menggambarkan kehidupan kita pd zaman ini. Kita alpa dlm kasih syg kita pd manusia. Kita mengagungi cinta kita pd manusia. Kita lupa bahawa, di sebalik luahan cinta dan perasaan kasih kita pd manusia, perlu ada kasih dan cinta yang lagi AGUNG pada Yang Kuasa. Ya, saya akui cinta hadir dlm pelbagai definisi. Cuma saya rasakan, CINTA pd Yg Esa perlu juga menjadi sebahagian drpd fokus movie ini. Kerana ia amat significant! Sgt relevant!

Baginilah. Untuk menyenangkan hati, akan saya ambil beberapa assumptions/anggapan. Sy beranggapan bahawa di sebalik keikhlasan makcik laksa untuk menjaga pakcik alzheimer, di sebalik pengorbanan seorg kakak terhadap adiknya yg sakit, di sebalik kasih seorg cucu terhadap atuknya yg derita akibat alzheimer, di sebalik kerelaan suami melepaskan isterinya, ADA SATU SIFAT PERI KEMANUSIAAN yg significant. A SENSE OF HUMILITY. Yang lahir, (di sini sy berharap) daripada kasih kita pada Yang Esa. Yang wujud kerana kita telah dididik sebegitu oleh agama. Yang hadir kerana, demi Yang Kuasa, kita percaya bahawa kebaikan adalah sebahagian drpd agama, dan oleh itu sebahagian daripada kita manusia.

How we interact with human beings does portray to some level our faith in our Creator. At first attempt at comprehension, i may have overlooked the relation of religious faith and human love which is shown again n again in the movie. But as i dig deeper, i now (would like to) understand that the kindness, sincerity and humility which the characters portray comes from the existance of a more powerful love for the Almighty. It must! IT SHOULD!

It is not my intention to preach.Just that I feel the need to share my new-found discovery with others. Because, owh, what a loss, when we are too engrossed with the other five love stories, that we overlook the GREATEST LOVE OF ALL. What a loss.

This pink template is deceiving. Pink is fun, bubbly, joyous, carefree n sweet. Kinda reminds u of a marshmellow. But I, as has been explicitly implied by my entries time n time again, am not. My life thus far, has been everything but "marshellow-ish". U must wonder, this cannot be true. But i say, yes dat's true.

However the problem is not my self-proclaimed unfortunate life. Rather, it is my inability to select, evaluate and digest all the good things which have been and are laid before me. Right in front of my eyes. The cost of this? Low self-esteem, ever-growing pessimism, self-doubt, judgemental, unforgiving, negative, sad and empty. (This is followed by three long, big sighs to show remorse at the painful truth).

So here I am, listing down all those good things which need to be highlighted in order for me to regain any sense of self-love, if there's any left .... (There u go, my pessism at its best)

1) My family - i miss my mum n dad no matter how in-the-face they can get. My sis n bro r ok too. But my lil bro, he's growing into someone i dont know (not yet, nway) so i fear (for) him.

2) My frens - I hv been surrounded and supported by soo many fun and brilliant individuals. For this i am truly thankful.

3) Looks - Ouch, this is a sore subject for me. Always have been, ever since i had had a lil sister. Since I first had an interaction wif this peculiar species called boys, i was quick to learn that looks are EVERYTHING. Cute gurls were popular, cute gurls got to join Kelab Kebudayaan, cute gurls get all the cute guys, at least their attention. Heck, cute gurls can do and have EVERYTHING!!!!But what i didnt expect was how cruel ppl can be towards 'ugly' ppl. I got called fat, pontianak (why? Cant tell ya...shhh), badak, fat again. Mind you, one of my ex's guy fren 'kindly' promoted a slimming pill to him so dat i can try it out n hopefully loose weight (thanx Kash, ure a real pal). Naturally, these occurances had its toll on my self-confidence. The blood has dried out, but the bruise and pain are still there. I carry it with me till now. It's not easy to get over with, but I should try. So here's a new thought dat I decide to instill in my lil head - Hey, I may not be the best looking gurl there is, but i am also not the worst off. So there!!! =D

4) My room - my sanctuary. I hv JUST moved into a new room, but it's similar to the previous. Yea, ive been complaining of how small and suffocating it is. On the other hand, it's warm, a bit messy...Truth be told, it falls short of everything. But IT IS MINE..(at least for the next 5 months or so). It provides me protection and security. So i am glad for this small space which i own. =D

5) My freedom - When i return to Mesia, this will be the ultimate thing that i will miss. Freedom. I make my own decisions. I get to choose what i wanna do, where i wanna go, whether or not i wanna attend the 9am lecture. There's no binding. There is a much lesser need to consider how your actions will affect others. There is no need for asking permission and explaining yourself when u get back late at night. I simply live by my own rules.

Ive only listed five items. Hopefully there will be more in the future. I realized that i NEED to start liking myself before i crumble like a warm apple crumble served with ice cream(tak habih2 dgn apple crumble...adeyh). I cannot remain to be this self-doubting person, not anyore. I have to stop punishing myself. I must LOVE this person which is me.

Ill let my template as it is. Pink. To represent hope. Hope to be spiritually and emotionally better. =D Insya Allah.

Bersatu 2007: FUN???

It's exactly 2.05am n I am dropping by coz i cant sleep thanx to a cup of bitter cappuccino.

Four hours ago, P, E, Y and I were somewhere in the Grand Chanselor (xtau nak eja, maaf) Conference Hall, waaaayyyy at the back somehow trying to enjoy the Bersatu 2007 Closing Dinner. At least, I was trying to. But somehow i couldnt. In fact, I was yawning every few minutes while struggling to catch what the emcees were saying up on the stage. My tummy was rumbling as i hv been eating lotsa crappy food at odd hours since Bersatu began. Having paid a generous amount of money for the dinner, i was looking forward for a fulfilling meal.

Bersatu 2007 began last Sat with an opening ceremony. Like 100 others, i volunteered to be a part of the Bersatu Crew. I went under the Admin Dept. Heh...Ingatkan kerje setkt type2 name, bwt name tag, kumpul results; all the paper works tapi...!!!!!!! Throughout the event, I found myself doing more than what was expected. Ive been running around like mad, getting team captains signatures, persuading/'mengupah' ppl to be refs/linesmen, making decisions which werent initially mine to make, got stuck in the rain coz the games were still on, collecting rubbish left in the field, getting asked to time a sport which i hv no comprehension of and ultimately, i got to see various kinds of human behaviours. In short, it was EXHAUSTING.

But was it worth it?

To answer that i hv to look at the bright side. Did i make new frens? Kinda. Did i get to see cute guys? Kinda but not really coz i really didnt hv the time nor the oppurtunity. Tgk setkt cukup syarat, org kate. Did i improve on my socializing/PA skills and personality? Heh...I'd like to think so (hey, it's not easy to be sincere when u act aren't, ok..And it takes a huge amount of patience to keep my cool and not bite ppl's heads off). Did i enjoy watching the games and cheering for the teams? Kinda. Most of the time i wouldnt get to thoroughly watch the matches, and almost always i was trying to be and stay awake & alert.

So that brings us back to the BErsatu closing dinner. I was hoping that it'd be fun. Hey, after 5 hectic days, I'd expected the dinner to be enjoyful. SOmething nice to end the event, u know...But to be honest, i didnt. Was it me? Or was it the dinner itself?

I realized the dinner was more of a players' thing. If u've participated in any of the sports, then yeah...U might enjoy it. Kalau menang medal, lagilah suke ek? But as a mere volunteer who was placed to sit at world's end, I found myself staring at the three candles burning away on the table. I cudnt make wht the ppl on stage were saying, so i chose to completely ignore them. I was flushed. My face felt hot and red. I was sleepy and hungry to the point that ive become snappy (sorry, P) and lost interest in the whole event totally. After the emcees bid farewell (yg ni aku dgr), again i found myself dumbfounded. What shud i do now? Everyone took photos and congatulated the winners or whatever. I (and E and P and Y) was sitting at the table, playing the role of a reluctant oberserver. I glanced at the back to see my dear juniors/performers looking all bored and 'blur'. It was obvious. The dinner was about the athletes, and not about the volunteers/performers. Of course it was. It's Bersatu Games. (duh, Neng!) But i didnt expect to feel this left out in a dinner of an event in which ive helped to run. Gosh, it was stressful! After collectively admitting that there was no point in hanging around any longer, P Y E n I left and headed to Denny's instead.

I'll take this a valuable experience. It wasnt that much fun, but Bersatu 2007 has taught me lotsa things.

SO, back to my previous Q: is it worth it? YES! BUT DAMN! THIS IS PROBABLY MY LAST BERSATU DINNER. IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN AND MEMORABLE! NOW IT'S MEMORABLE FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS...URGH! =(

Nways, CONGRATS CMSA! =D

AND NOTE TO WAWA DEARIE, HERE'S THE ANSWER TO YOUR Q: NO. HAHAHA!!! Weyh, lu tanye soalan bonus laa...aiseyh...=D