EKSEN-NESS

Salam and greetings all.

I am exhausted. Exasperated.

Work sux. Particularly becos i am not sure of what I am doing. And i hate making decisions! I know i lack the confidence and knowledge (after all, from experience comes confidence), and dats exactly why making decisions is tough. Especially when ur decision is always subject to criticisms and questions.

I really find 'poyo' or 'eksen' people very annoying. Those who talk like they know it all, like they are always right. Boy, have i come across those people! Gosh, tolonglah. Tau la korg hebat kan, but we can do without all those 'poyoness'. Really, we can get things done without u giving us the "im better than u, so listen to what i say" look. Simply put = IBOH EKSEN GILAK BAH! Just becos im a junior doesnt mean Im wrong ALL the time. If i cant think, then i wudnt be working, wud i?

My confusion is further pumped up by the constant contrast of opinion of my immediate boss(es). One say this, one say that. Who's in the middle? ME. Do i get the answer that i want? NO. What do i get instead? MORE CONFUSION, THANK U VERY MUCH!

Today, somebody asked me a question. Then i answered. Then he said, "no dats not right, it's supposed to be like this." Right in front of the client and supplier. I was soooo mad, i cud feel my face heating up! I mean, if u noe the answer already, and when I've admitted humbly before that im no expert, THEN WHY THE HELL DID U STILL HAVE TO ASK ME??????????? AND THEN CHALLENGE ME BY POINTING OUT THAT IM WRONG! Again, this is one of those incidents I had wif "eksen' people. I guess he really was more terrer than me, but like i said, the world CAN DO without the 'eksen-ness'.

Admittedly, working IS hard. But the work itself is not. It's the human aspects of it. The people u work with, their personality, their tantrums, their abilities (or lack of it) and most importantly how u deal with them. That's where the real challenge lies. Logically, how can an air-cond duct possibly make u mad? How can sizing a pump make u cry? So for all those hard times, there is always a human-related cause. Kena marah client ker, kena critisize colleague ker, or kene sindir contractors ke... But then, sometimes, people are mean to u for no reason at all. BODOH kan?

I have to confess, Ive got quite a temper. Lately, my patience had been put to tremendous tests. But because Im inexperienced and scared, I keep my mouth shut altho in my head i keep shouting "U GUYS CAN GO TO HELL!!!!!!!!!!!". I take in all those criticisms not without a pinch of salt, eventho Im actually right. I keep telling myself, "Relax. This is their time. I'll have my time soon". Well, hopefully.

One thing I hope. That when Im knowledgeable, experienced and confident, I wont let it get to my head. I dont wish to be one of those 'poyo' people. If I were destined to be 'great' then lemme earn it in the most respectable way. And I wish ill continue to be humble and respectful of others, no matter how stupid their aircond ducting design is. =P

Taa!