SEPI

SEPI

(Music & Lyrics by Melly Goeslow)

Enjoy an extremely powerful song by Yuni Shara below. :)

Unsolved

Person A and person B have come a long way.

At times, they were friendly though every caution was taken as not to appear too eager. But most of the times, they were trying to ignore each other’s existence. They made sure they didn’t cross each other’s paths; words were not exchanged between them unless they had to; because any decent conversion would always end up with one of them, if not both, getting hurt. If they were forced to be in a group, one would look one way, the other would turn to the other way. They never see eye to eye, figuratively and literally. So visible was this that people were talking, drawing up conclusions and making fun, which obviously did not help them both. So the gap between them became wider, and neither bothered. Distance was good. It was safe.

Ten years passed.

Person A and person B have grown up. Time instilled in them maturity. Years and years of not seeing each other’s face had done them good. For some weird reasons, they communicated in cyberspace, in a normal friendly manner. Birthday wishes were often exchanged without failure every year. Yes, it was just the internet but they communicated nonetheless. This was seldom, yet it showed, if not signaled, that the two have let bygones be bygones. They are ten years older now after all. Heck at one point, they even hang out together! With a group of friends, of course! True, awkwardness was existent despite their best effort to be casual. But, any improvements were appreciated.

Two years passed.

Person B does not want to hang out with person A. Person B has nothing against person A. Mind you, it is not hatred but he just ….can’t. He can’t even put his finger on why this is so.

Person A has nothing against person B either. But, person A does not understand why Person B does not want to see her. Person A does not know what the problem is. How can there be issues when they rarely communicate? They were normal as far as giving testimonials in Friendster was concerned even though that was as often as Siti Nurhaliza singing off-key. Still, that’s a sign of friendship right? Right? If person B can be nice to her in cyberspace, and has nothing against her, then why the cold, harsh treatment? She thinks, shouldn’t they be over this? Is the past still haunting person B? Had she done something offensive to person B (AGAIN)?? She does not think so. She tries to evaluate and make things easier to comprehend. Often she fails.

But friendship does not work one way. That person A is certain about. If this friendship (or what is left of it) is to deteriorate completely, then so be it. She can’t help it if person B can’t stand the sight of her, for whatever reasons only God knows. She isn’t willing to try to comprehend in order to fix the problem anymore. The exhaustion of having to understand the complexity or mystery of this “friendship” had caught up with person A.

So she is letting it go. Some things are better left as they are. Unsolved.

Filler post, anyone?

Salam.

Get ready for a full blast of random *beep*!!!!!

After years and years of thinking that Im over MTV, I find myself staying up and watching the 2008 MTV Asia Awards, held in my beloved Malaysia. Leona Lewis is crooning her 'bleeding love'. Too bad i missed PCD's performance earlier on. Damn, seeing their toned up bods wouldve forced me to jump on the treadmill. Have been trying my best to ignore the existence of my treadmill. It's strategically positioned in the tv room, right in front of my bedroom. So yeah, one can say that ive made a good job of ignoring it! ;)

I am 160cm tall and i weigh 49-50kg. My family thinks im dead skinny. and thanx to the many illnesses ive had had this past 5 months, my so-called skinny-ness is termed terminally dangerous! haha! But seriously. I dont think I am. The muffin top is still there, and so is the booty. So I wasnt really comprehending when the Doctor told me to pile on some mo weight! "But doctor! baju raya kamek suma dah lekak!" (bj raye saye sume dah siap) Owh noo!!!

Wait...Super Junior is performing now...Gosh, i think i see my ex Choi Siwon..hurm, still cute. Kui3! Lately, I found myself going gaga over Channel V's Vj Dom. Gosh! He's gorgeous! And that voice...mind you, I watch Popparazi solely because of him! Heh! Bocor rahsia...

My owh my! Work is stressful, wif a capital S. So much so that i am kondifen (confident) that I can lose weight by simply thinking abt it.NOT JOKIN'. And often to overcome this, I crack jokes and tease my colleagues or play pranks on whoever crosses my path in the office. (sorry Kak Cher!) And guess what? I ended up coming across as inefficient, lazy, not serious and downright clueless to some people (as in the big guys up there). I beg your pardon? Excuse me for trying to add some colour to this sombre and dull world of engineering consultancy. Really, to have a chiller or not is not exactly a matter of life or death. Geez... And i quote The Joker, "Why sooo serious?????"

Went to watch the second X-files movie the other day. My advice? Go watch reruns of CSI for it probably will give you more satisfaction. The only memorable thing abt it, in my opinion, was Dana Scully beautiful red locks.

There you have it. If you were trying to find some useful info or intellectual post, then i apologize . This aint the place, for now. ;)

THERE'S ALWAYS A FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING..

AKU BOHSAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maka dengan ini, saye meluangkan mase utk menjwb soklan2 berikut:

THERE'S ALWAYS A FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING..

1) 1st time naik kapal terbang
- Probably when i was four. My parents, lil sis n i were on a trip to Singapore. I rmmber nothing abt the flight but what i still can recall was the trip to the Zoo. Hurm, perhaps that was my first time too.

2) 1st time beranak??
- Ait?

3)1st time pegi oversea..
- Define oversea pliss. cos from where i come from, semenanjung M'sia juge boleyh dikire oversea. If dats the case, then see question 1 above. Otherwise, my first time pg oversea wud be perth, when i was 12.

4)1st time duduk jauh dpd family
- When i accepted UTM's offer, dat was in Johor. Pergh, chuak giler babeng! Dahla sorg2 kt negeri org, tak gheti nak ckp semenanjung plak tuh! Terkial2 aku beb! Then after a week, i flew to Shah Alam, n stayed there for 1.5 years.

5) 1st time keje..
- Tanggal 1 Februari 2008, bermulelah zaman kerje saye. Not fun i tell yaa...

6) 1st time raser diri ini Gemok!!
- Hurm, it's hard to put my finger on it, cos ive been feeling dat way since i...since ive learnt the alphabets! (pendek kate dr kechik lagi laa dah rase gemok)

7) 1st time berchenta?
- CINTA FOR REAL? Then I'd say now, since 11th July 2008. Hopefully for many, many years to come. =)

8) 1st time raser diri chantek??
- Cant remember laa....but wudnt it be great i can feel pretty all the time? Hurm..........

9)1st time masuk cinema..
- My dad probably had brought us to see other movies previously, but what pops to mind is the time when he brought us along to see...SPEED. Keanu Reeves tot me 'how to fall in love'.......haha!

10) 1st time admitted in hospital
- Insya Allah, djauhkan....

ok! abis! Yeay! BYe!

EKSEN-NESS

Salam and greetings all.

I am exhausted. Exasperated.

Work sux. Particularly becos i am not sure of what I am doing. And i hate making decisions! I know i lack the confidence and knowledge (after all, from experience comes confidence), and dats exactly why making decisions is tough. Especially when ur decision is always subject to criticisms and questions.

I really find 'poyo' or 'eksen' people very annoying. Those who talk like they know it all, like they are always right. Boy, have i come across those people! Gosh, tolonglah. Tau la korg hebat kan, but we can do without all those 'poyoness'. Really, we can get things done without u giving us the "im better than u, so listen to what i say" look. Simply put = IBOH EKSEN GILAK BAH! Just becos im a junior doesnt mean Im wrong ALL the time. If i cant think, then i wudnt be working, wud i?

My confusion is further pumped up by the constant contrast of opinion of my immediate boss(es). One say this, one say that. Who's in the middle? ME. Do i get the answer that i want? NO. What do i get instead? MORE CONFUSION, THANK U VERY MUCH!

Today, somebody asked me a question. Then i answered. Then he said, "no dats not right, it's supposed to be like this." Right in front of the client and supplier. I was soooo mad, i cud feel my face heating up! I mean, if u noe the answer already, and when I've admitted humbly before that im no expert, THEN WHY THE HELL DID U STILL HAVE TO ASK ME??????????? AND THEN CHALLENGE ME BY POINTING OUT THAT IM WRONG! Again, this is one of those incidents I had wif "eksen' people. I guess he really was more terrer than me, but like i said, the world CAN DO without the 'eksen-ness'.

Admittedly, working IS hard. But the work itself is not. It's the human aspects of it. The people u work with, their personality, their tantrums, their abilities (or lack of it) and most importantly how u deal with them. That's where the real challenge lies. Logically, how can an air-cond duct possibly make u mad? How can sizing a pump make u cry? So for all those hard times, there is always a human-related cause. Kena marah client ker, kena critisize colleague ker, or kene sindir contractors ke... But then, sometimes, people are mean to u for no reason at all. BODOH kan?

I have to confess, Ive got quite a temper. Lately, my patience had been put to tremendous tests. But because Im inexperienced and scared, I keep my mouth shut altho in my head i keep shouting "U GUYS CAN GO TO HELL!!!!!!!!!!!". I take in all those criticisms not without a pinch of salt, eventho Im actually right. I keep telling myself, "Relax. This is their time. I'll have my time soon". Well, hopefully.

One thing I hope. That when Im knowledgeable, experienced and confident, I wont let it get to my head. I dont wish to be one of those 'poyo' people. If I were destined to be 'great' then lemme earn it in the most respectable way. And I wish ill continue to be humble and respectful of others, no matter how stupid their aircond ducting design is. =P

Taa!

Hari ini cuti =)

Finally! 4 straight days of hols! wowweee!

My best buddy Tuty just got married last Sun. N i was her bridesmaid. Bridesmaid la sgt kan. Cos i didnt exactly know the role of a bridesmaid is. So what i did was walk a good 2metres away from the pengantin, then make sure she doesnt step on her wedding dress, and when on the pelamin, i was standing besides her n smiling like a fool while figuring out whether i should be giving out the bunge telur as well. Adeyh... Sounds like a LOT of work to do, really, especially on the pelamin. N aku sempat juga merase menyampah kat sorg makcik ni yg suke interframe pengantin...Naik pentas ntah berape kali..."Senyum sket...kaki rapat sket...etc" Elo makcik, u shud have told them BEFORE dorg bersanding...n NOT when they're bersanding....N u really dont have to naik pentas, u noe.... (eyes rolling!)

Thank God Tuty n her hubby were very good-looking pair of pengantin, so no one paid attention to me fidgeting on the pelamin nor took notice of the busybudy makcik (I hope).

Nways TUTY, Congrats to u n Mokhdas!!!! Despite all the kelam-kabutness at Japot's, u were still gorgeous dearie! Guess all those mandi bunge, minum jamu2, berkasir n facials were worth it! =)

Yeap, tahun ni ramai gak member sebaye yg nak kawen. pergh! Cant believe we're at THAT age already! I notice, when i hang out wif my buddies (which is a RARE occasion), one main topic we cant avoid talking is "sapa dah nikah? Sapa nak kawen? Ko nak kawen bile? etc" ie marriage talk. Everyone seems to be getting hitched, or at least engaged this year.

Haha. Mind you, I dont intend to go down that path anytime soon, cos franky, i can barely pay my phone bills and car loan. But it IS interesting to see people u've known since sekolah rendah/menengah/uni go through that NEXt stage of life. For a moment u'd be reminiscing about the time both u n ur buddy were chubby and therefore thought boys will never want you, or when both of u kene rotan dgn ustaz, or of the time when u had your BIG row, or when u were consoling her when she broke up with yet another loser. Hah! Now everyone seems to have their happy ending, which I can only hope to last forever. =)

Apa2pun, esok kene gi kerja. I dont know what ive been doing this past 4 months of working, but what i Do know is it's tiring, stressfull and u get to meet many people, whom most of time u'd rather not wanna meet. So far, ive had meetings with OLD professionals which is a scary and daunting experience. Cos they are OLD, they are therefore EXPERIENCED ppl. N so i have to watch what i say for fear of looking like a fool. Susah okay.... Becos ure young n clueless, they sometimes see right through u, and they step on u. Siout! Whenever i go to meeting alone, they'd be like..."...pls check with ur boss...confirm wif ur boss" Buduh! if u want confirmed answers, then u talk to my boss yourself! I cant help being inexperienced! I cant help not knowing ALL the answers to ur questions! Geez..........Sy baru kerja 4 bulan, bukan 4 tahun! =/

And architects are the weirdest bunch of people. They are soo weird, even the word weird cant even begin to describe them! (make sense? No? well...architects r like that, They dont make sense).

OK. I shall not bitch abt architects cos if i do, they wont stop haunting me with their frequent demand and need of urgent answers. " Can u confirm with me ASAP?" As it is, i owe one architect 5 sets of contract drwgs. Im getting myself in deep trouble!

Nways, i gtg. Turned out this entry is a long one. But good to update my blog once in a while. Heh.

Bye2.

Tag jgn tak tag, tag jgn tak tag....

Miss Aza nun jauh di NZ sana...this UPDATE is for ya..hahaha...

Nways, "8 New Habits Ive Developed for the Past year or so"....

1) Minum Coffee/Nescafe with FRESH MILK
- coffee n fresh milk combo gvs me the much needed dose of energy vital for work.

2) Have Oat as part of my breakfast
- It keeps me full till lunch break. =) (so no snacking in between, u see...)

3) Arrive 15 mins late for work
- True no matter how early i wake up in the morning. But I heard the Director is getting punch card for the office. ..Oh-oh... =/

4) Getting tense up whenever the office phone rings
- Nothing beats the wrath of the call from MR. Architect, i tell ya that.... =(

5) Tarik rambut
- yes, whenever im reading, watching tv, staring at the ceiling....

6) Have dinner before 7pm
- Hey, u want flat belly or not....????? hahaha! walhal takde beza pon...

7) Handwash tudung every other weekend
- No more 'Everyday is Tudung Hitam day' when u start working, for u gotta match it wif your baju. Otherwise, you colleague will talk....BUT I VOW TO CHANGE THE SYSTEM!!!!!!!!!!! Muahaha!

8) Bug my Deng everyday
- It gives me happiness and pleasure. Thank u very much! =)

...NOW, Im tagging my Deng, My sister and My Bro =)